Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Diet Jokes
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!
Alex Stokes says, "Kat, I've seen you eat many foods!"
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
