Diet jokes

Her: "Land of the free".

Me: *fat*

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It's not fat-free.

My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.

Why did the transgender man only eat salad?

Because he was a "her" before.

What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!

Alex Stokes says, "Kat, I've seen you eat many foods!"

What is a vegetarian's favorite song?

No beef.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”

What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?

A slow swimmer...

What do you get if you eat sugar?

High.

What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?

The cabbage patch.

Why do vegans use blowjobs?

Because they can’t take real meat.

Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.

(I love oil!)

I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.

(Extra Cholesterol)

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

Vegetarian: I prefer plants.

Herbivore: I just like food.

Cannibal: I'm a people person.

Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.