Diet jokes

Vegetarian: I prefer plants.

Herbivore: I just like food.

Cannibal: I'm a people person.

What do gay horses eat?

Hay.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?

Freeze burgers.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

I eat cockroaches.

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.

Eat cockroaches.

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

What’s big, red, and eats rocks?

A big, red, rock eater.

Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.

Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

Your mama is so fat, she only knows three words: KFC.

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?