Diet jokes
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.
Today is Good Friday, so there will be no meat for us to eat. Instead, we have to do what lesbians do and eat fish.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?
Freeze burgers.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
Eat cockroaches.
I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.
I eat cockroaches.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.