Diet jokes

Vegetarian: I prefer plants.

Herbivore: I just like food.

Cannibal: I'm a people person.

What do gay horses eat?

Hay.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

What do penguins 🐧 eat for lunch?

Freeze burgers.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

I eat cockroaches.

Eat cockroaches.

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."

What’s big, red, and eats rocks?

A big, red, rock eater.

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.

Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.

Your mama is so fat, she only knows three words: KFC.

Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?