How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay!
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
One time I ate a chair.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
