Diet jokes
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF
One time I ate a chair.
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
Why do Vampires like virgins?
Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
What do Asian people eat?
Rice.
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.