Diet jokes
Why can't lesbians wear makeup while on a diet?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig while Mary Kay is sitting on their face.
What is a Jamaican's idea of a balanced diet?
A joint in each hand.
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.