Diet jokes
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Why can't fat kids play poker?
They eat all the chips.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.