Dark Humor
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
Why did the mailman die?
'Cause everyone dies.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?
They both went down.
Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.
This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.
Your hairline is so far, too far, even dark humored jokes are scared of it.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.