Q: How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
A: You give them a Sandy Hook.
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
Bligitty blot, bliggity blit,
You better not be talkin' shit. 🔫
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Q: Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
What are Africans composed of?
99% Coca-Cola.
What's another name for 9/11?
A forbidden game of Jenga.
Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.
I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.
School shooting: Happens.
Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.
American Student: "First time?"
Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?
A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks.
What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?
Murder.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
