Dark Humor
You know, my mom told me to become an astronaut.
I told her I don't want to become the next firework.
Dark humor is like sex: not everybody gets it.
Father heard his children scream,
so he threw them in the stream.
Saying, as he drowned the third,
"Children should be seen, not heard!"
What's Jeffrey Epstein's favourite vegetable?
The retarded kid down the street.
Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?
Because they never found home.
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
Where was Stephen Hawking born?
Under a coconut tree.
Why were the Twin Towers mad at 9/11?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?
"You are not alone."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.
What did the 12-year-old boy say to the priest?
Nothing, because his mouth was full.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Why did the terrorist cross the road?
To get to the airport!
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
What was the last thing going through the 9/11 victims' minds?
They don't say "shit for brains" for nothing. 🤣🤣
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
How do trannies pass successfully? By passing away.
Wanna hear a joke?
Rape.
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.