Dark Humor

How do terrorists feed their children?

Here comes the airplane.

Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.

What did the person with no hands get for Christmas?

He didn't open it yet.

So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

Bros over hos.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

"Say what you want about the deaf."

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.