Dark Humor
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
I want a bigger couch.
Why? You're going to be in the kitchen most of the time anyway.
What's the difference between an orphan and an Egyptian?
Egyptians have mummies.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
What do you call a black guy on the moon?
YOU RACISTS! An astronaut!
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?
A knife at least has a point.
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
I was asked to design a website for an orphanage, so I decided to design it without the home page.
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
Why did the mailman die?
'Cause everyone dies.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.