When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say "Tell me if you can hear me", then get in the trunk and start screaming.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them
What's worst then finding 10 babys in 10 dumpsters??
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters
Are you electricity? 'cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out boys 2 men wasn't a delivery service
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god my mom's gonna kill me!"
So I met a boy and he said he would be happy to be a canibal because if we all we we could stop overpopulation and world hunger and I was like😍😍😍😍🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out. It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001, I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
at the funeral everyone was shocked about it
Still even when dead she is the best shag I've ever known
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof
*New teacher walks in* New Teacher : hi there class my name is Mr. willy i will be yo math teacher *Me in shock Willy* Me : Willy Wonka is that you?!
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. -- They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
what's a turtles favorite thrill ride shell shock
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell Shocked
a man walks up to lil johnny one day and asks if you had one wish but that wish will be granted to everyone on earth so the lil johnny thinks real hard and long then said well i would wish for me to shit my self and the man is shocked and asks why and lil johnny reply's well i would be on the toilet i thing everyone else would just be confused
I was looking forward to some toast...
So i took the toaster in the bath with me
