Dark Humor

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

Why can't emos have ADD?

'Cause they are already scatter-brained.

Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

If you're ever frustrated, just punch them in the face. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.

A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.

"This place looks scary," the kid said.

And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."

Where did Sarah go after the bombing?

Everywhere. 💀

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

What do you call a wheelchair on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Kid: "Dark humor is like a mother's love."

Orphan: "How?"

Kid: "You wouldn't know."

Orphan: "........."

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

What does Joe Biden call a room full of kids? A toy room.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

What was the first thing Thanos snapped?

Loki’s neck.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.