Dark Humor

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

Do you know about the new movie Disney made just for cancer kids? It's called Finding Kemo.

Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?

I was crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Orphans and Chinese people can’t play baseball. The orphans can’t find home, and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

One stops sucking when you slap it.

What's a priest's favorite toy?

A mute little boy.

Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.

He said, "Best surprise ever!"

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.