Danger jokes
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
"Hold my beer, watch this."
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.