Danger jokes
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make a loud noise when thrown.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
"Hold my beer, watch this."
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.