Chip jokes

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?

A: A couch potato. HaHaHa

If you were a food, what would you be?

Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."

Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."

Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."

What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?

It was getting a crinkle cut.

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.

When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.

Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?

They were all family sized.

What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?

When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...

How do you piss off a disabled person?

You put the cookie on the other shoulder.

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

Why do orphans love chips?

Because they're all family sized.