When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
Warning, this is dark.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.
Crappy joke warning: How does Spongebob have fun? He smokes seaweed.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.
Be careful around EDP445.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
WARNING OFFENSIVE: What is the difference between a redhead and a brick? ... A brick gets laid.
If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:
https://schlechtewitze.com
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
