What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
Who says Rihanna isn't charitable?
I mean, she found Johnny Depp for her fashion show by scouting for people living in tents down in Skid Row.
Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathise with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".
A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.
They're all Predators!
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke)
Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: Wow look at that sexy body! Savvy!
Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time....
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp. Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care centre, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
