Danger jokes
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades? They'll end up only throwing the pin.
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
Hi, I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hairdryer.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.
Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful.
Got kidnapped in Iran. Luckily, I ran.
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.