One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
Danger Jokes
Where is a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
What is the best type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.
God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Making a comforting breakfast.
But you have a knife.
Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!
Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.
Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
I started working at the AISH office a few months ago.
I felt like I wasn't fitting in. Then my coworker showed me where the pepper spray and emergency contraception pills were.
Now I feel like I belong.
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
"I put the tin foil in the microwave, ma!"
Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.
Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.
