Danger jokes

I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.

5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"

Why did the blonde run outside naked?

She thought the steam was a gas leak.

Where is a place where people die?

Rosshall Academy.

What is the best type of bath bomb?

A toaster.

The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.

The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

Oops!

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

Gently throw a baby off a ten story building!

What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.

God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.

Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.

Making a comforting breakfast.

But you have a knife.

Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!

What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?

A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"