My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
A husband comes home from work one day and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
I was cutting the vegetables and my mom asked how I was so skillful
Why are Americans so good at rubix cubes?
They are skilled at seperating colors.
Bro never learned how to play jenga 🙄
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill
And he needed a painkiller pill
why is america so bad at playing jenga? because they already lost two towers
Boss: how good are you at powerpoint? Me: I Excel at it. Boss: Was that a microsoft pun? Me: Word
Why can't you teach a orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them
IF STEPHEN HAWKINS HAD A FIFA CARD HE WOULD HAVE 99 DRIIBLE
“If you’re good at something, never do it for free. "
Rapboats mom charges $5 a blowie
My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house. Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job . My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I;m good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.
when my friend says I suck. at something I'm like u swollow
People with down syndrome have a specific skill only they have, they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said "you are what we are looking for, but i need to test your skills." *he hands her a pen* He said "sell me this pen" She puts in between her boobs.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!!
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master? Stand up.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application, I asked him to show me his skills and experience but he just started diving and asking for pens and tapins, I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
