My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
Clothing Jokes
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?
They both have a hole in one.
Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips.
What did the shirt say to the pants?
Belt.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Yo mama so UGLY... at the strip club... people pay her... to keep her clothes ON!!!
Are your ankles having a party? Because I think your pants should come on down.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
The priest had a very holy shirt.
What do you call a stupid mannequin?
A dummy.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
An investigator!
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
