"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What's a Mexican's least favorite lesson in art? Drawing border lines.
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
