Line jokes

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."

How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.

What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

"May I push your stool in?"

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, "Girl, are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb."

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.

I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.

I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.