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I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.

whats one thing gay people can’t draw? a straight line.

They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.

They are so comfortable they can’t even feel them.

Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy? A: Because it was on crack.

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the p.... of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, Girl are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb

What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

“May I push your stool in?”

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

Pickup line; Hey mama you school? Cuz I’d like to shoot some kids up in you

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What’s got 6 legs 3 arms and 3 heads?

The finish line at the Boston marathon

What was the computer’s best pickup line? Nice bits

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,“whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars.” some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,“wow I can’t believe you did it! So whats your prize?” the guy says,“I don’t care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!”

There is thin line between death and life !! You won’t live to see it …

The Cardiogram will !!

how do you know youre following a dolorean? the white line disappears

Stephen Hawking tried comedy. His first line ruined it. ‘You know what I can’t stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can’t stand.’