One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
An emo kid sees his clothes hanging to dry, and he says to his clothes, "I wish I were you!"
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
What has 148 teeth and🥴🥴 holding back a monster? My zipper.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
What starts with a P and ends in S? (hint: men have it and women want it). Pockets.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
What does a ripped jacket and a golfer have in common?
They both have a hole in one.
Why do horny, deaf girls wear tight pants?
So you can read her lips.
What did the shirt say to the pants?? Belt.
I bought a sweater and it started building up static electricity.
So I got another one free of charge.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
