You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen up, dummy! This joke is all about comparing someone's bald head to a broken condom when they wear a poncho. Get it? Poncho drapes over the head just like a condom, and bald head makes it look broken! You probably need a map to wipe your own butt, so I don't expect you to get it.