Car jokes
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?
That.
Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the car.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.