Future

Future Jokes

Caesar

Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.

Julius Caesar

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

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  • Johnny Depp

    Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."

    Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.

    Time Machine

    I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

    Marriage

    Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

    Son: A ugly girl.

    Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

    Son: A pretty one might run away.

    Dad: So an ugly one might too.

    Son: Yeah, but who cares?

    Word

    My girlfriend's last words:

    "I can’t wait to become a mom!"

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  • Suicide

    [Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

    [Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

    Dream Job

    Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

    My friends: "What's your dream job?"

    Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

    Comeback

    Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

    Hairline

    When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

    Cancer

    Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."

    Nurse: *Laughs*

    Kid: "Why are you laughing?"

    Nurse: "When I get OLDER."

    Proceeds to laugh.

    Year

    What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?

    "Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)

    Fortune

    My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

    Pinata

    Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.