I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
What do cannibals call a wheelchair user...Uber eats
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
Why did the Twin Towers go to Uber Eats?
Because they wanted something plain.
Today sucked my girlfriend got hit by a car and I lost my job as an Uber driver
Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.
I know it's bad, sorry.
I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.
He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.
Why did I have to pay $300 on Uber?
I had to get from your forehead to your big ass nose.
