Car jokes
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion. After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma. After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider.
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.