Car jokes
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Apple tried to make a car, but it had no windows ;)
Why don't dwarfs have cars?
Because they can't get in the door.
Why was the computer late for work?
He had a hard drive.
What’s big and black on the road?
I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
Potatoes
If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.