Car jokes
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
Memes
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.