Car jokes

How do you spell racecar backwards?

racecar

How do you spell racecar sideways?

Paul Walker's death.

What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?

“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

Why did the Jew get an electric car?

Because he was afraid of the gas.

What do you call a cab for black men?

A cop car.

What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?

Babies in a blender.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."

2019: The flying cars future.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Why do orphans never get a car?

Because their parents need to buy them one.

His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."