Car jokes
Uber driver: .........
Me: .........
Uber driver: .........
Me: 5 stars.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.
A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.