Car jokes
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!
Memes
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Why did the chicken cro-
UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.