Car

Car jokes

Time

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

Racecar

How do you spell racecar backwards?

racecar

How do you spell racecar sideways?

Paul Walker's death.

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  • Transportation

    It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

    Chicken

    Why did the chicken cro-

    UM, ACTUALLY, THE CHICKEN CAN'T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS IT'S UNDER SOME ROOSTER OR HEN SUPERVISION OR ELSE THE CAR WILL CRASH THE CHICKEN, AND THEY WILL DIE. 🤓

    Girl

    A girl called me ugly.

    So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

    Gas

    I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.

    Cop car

    What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

    With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

    Fan

    You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

    Toe

    My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

    Bomb

    My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!

    Baby

    How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?

    It depends on your speed.

    Fish

    What's the difference between a fish and a car?

    You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3

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  • Car Accident

    *gets hit by a car*

    Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

    Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

    *opens twitter*

    Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

    Orphan

    What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

    I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

    Orphan

    Why did the orphan cross the road?

    So he can be hit by a car and be reunited with his parents.

    Word

    I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

    "You need to park a little closer."