Car jokes

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

How do you spell racecar backwards?

racecar

How do you spell racecar sideways?

Paul Walker's death.

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Roses are red, Your mum's a queer, Fucking hell, Can’t get out of first gear!

Why do orphans never get a car?

Because their parents need to buy them one.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”

What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?

Babies in a blender.

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

Why did the Jew get an electric car?

Because he was afraid of the gas.

What do you call a cab for black men?

A cop car.