Car jokes
What is a pirate's favorite ride? A carrr!
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!
So one time I had a dream where I was on a road trip and we drove a golf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan.
We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom, which was so weird!
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?
So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.
I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
What do you call a Japanese car thief?
Tommy took a motor.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
Why did the car drive over the cake?
'Cause it was in tiers!! Lol, sorry this ain't funny.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.