Car jokes

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?

Because their car ran out of RHYME.

Why can lesbians not drive cars?

They always strap the wrong thing on.

Your mama is so fat, by the time I swerved to miss her with the car, I ran out of gas.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

I left a ticket to a WNBA game on the dashboard when I went to go get the groceries.

A burglar broke in and left another one on the dashboard.

Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.

The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

What do you call a blind person driving a car?

Died.

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

I wish we could implant all parts because I could have used some car parts from Stephen Hawking after he died.

Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!