Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Why can't orphans ever get a car? Because they don't have a birth certificate.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
knock knock whos there daisy daisy who daisy me rollinnnnnn
Bored? Run over a orphan with your car! what are they going to do tell their nonexistent parents?
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair ?
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
How does Stephen Hawking get clean?
He uses Tesco car wash.
