Car jokes

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because I’m not getting a car seat.

Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.

Why can't Helen Keller drive?

'Cause she's already dead.

Pinto?

My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.

Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!

I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.

What is the world's strongest material?

The tree that Paul Walker hit.

The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.

You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?

Asked when will they do up the cars!

Stig

What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.