Animal jokes
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
Tracy Latimer was described as cheerful, popular at school, and as an animal lover.
Just trying to gas her up a little bit.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!
What do you call a too round egg?
A prEGGnant egg.
What's a furry's favorite news network? Fox!
What do cows read? The moospaper!
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?
A: You koalagize to it.
Why did the chicken cross the rooooo o oooad?