What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? – Beef jerky.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? – Shear madness.

What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten-tickles.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!

where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. – She was eaten by a giant crab.