Animal Jokes

Anonymous

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

Anonymous

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher:She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Anonymous

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? -- A candy baa.

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Anonymous

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.

Anonymous

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

5
Anonymous

Why do the French eat snails? -- They don't like fast food.

9
Anonymous

What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls. They're under a buck.

4
Anonymous

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."

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Anonymous

Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.

Anonymous

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

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Anonymous

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

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Anonymous
in Politics

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

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Anonymous

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

Anonymous

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Itenticle.

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Anonymous

My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. -- She was eaten by a giant crab.

Panda

A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

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Anonymous

Why are cats bad storytellers? -- Because they only have one tale.

1
geust

FIRST DATE

man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher..

Cow Like You

A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. the farmer says "I milked your cow". the neighbor replies "i have a bull not a cow"

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Anonymous

What kind of bees eat brains?

Zombees.

2