Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher:She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. – She was eaten by a giant crab.

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.

What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.