Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.

on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. – She was eaten by a giant crab.

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? – Shear madness.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.

what do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly Mammoth.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!

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