What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. The farmer says, "I milked your cow." The neighbor replies, "I have a bull, not a cow."
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
