Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. – She was eaten by a giant crab.

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? – Shear madness.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? – Beef jerky.

A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.

It was a shitzu

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