Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”
Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but its irrelephant
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? – “Bison.”
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.
My aunt’s star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. – She was eaten by a giant crab.
A man walks into a zoo, the only animal was a dog.
It was a shitzu
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.
What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.