What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? – Because they are really good at it.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten-tickles.

where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it

What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? – Shear madness.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What do you call a dead fly? – A flew.

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.

What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? – Because the octopus was well armed.

What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? – A candy baa.

Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.

My aunt’s star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. – She was eaten by a giant crab.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? – Beef jerky.

What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? – Itenticle.

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse’s butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

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