Zoo jokes
My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.
Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
One day, a cop pulls a van over, and when he walks up to the window, he sees ten penguins in the back.
The cop asks the man, “Are those your penguins?”
The man says, “Yes, they are my pets.”
The cop replies to the man, “You need to take them to the zoo right now.”
So the man agrees and drives off. The next day, the cop pulls over the same van, and he walks up to the window and sees the ten penguins all wearing sunglasses.
The cop says to the man, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.”
The man says, “I did! Today, we are going to the beach!”
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?