Animal jokes
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
What is a pig's favorite part of karate?
A pork chop.
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.