Animal

Animal jokes

Work

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training completely wasted.

Morbid jokes

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

Suicide

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?

Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."

A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."