Animal jokes
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
What do autistic retards and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms, lol.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What do you call an @EB with no ears?
An Explain B.
What do you call a cold Explain bear?
A brrr.
What's the difference between a gay rooster and a straight rooster?
Straight rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo."
A gay rooster says, "Any cock will do."
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.