Animal jokes
How does the bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush.
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had diarrhea.
I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.
Yo mama so ugly, she the real reason all the dodos died.
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What do you call a cow that is secret?
AnonyMOOus.
Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they're shellfish!
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.
What sort of movies do cows like to watch?
Moosicals!
What do bats like to eat?
Bloodsuckers! 🩸🍭😂
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.