Animal jokes
What do monkeys eat for dinner? KFC.
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
What's green and smells like joemama? Shit from a cock.
What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a platypus? I lick a lot of pussy.
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Memes
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
What's the smartest insect? A spelling bee!
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.
What do you call a deer with good eyes?
Good ideas.
My dog died today. 😥
Why did the Dinosaur cross the road?
'Cause the Chicken wasn't born yet.
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
You have to tell this to a friend:
There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
Once I was asked to perform snail jokes at a stand-up comedy night. I certainly snailed it because the crowd thought it was shellerious.