Aed jokes
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
So, a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says, “Is there a problem, boyoh?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!” The man replies, “I’m a leprechaun.”
“Really?” says the man.
“That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper.”
“Anything I want?! Three of them?” replies the man.
“Anything in your wildest dreams, boyoh, but you have to let me finish.”
The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts it in. Thrusting back and forth, he asks for the man’s first wish.
“I want a giant yacht!”
“Aye,” says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now.”
“For my second wish, I want a billion dollars,” the man says, beginning to sweat.
“Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you,” the leprechaun replies.
“Okay,” the man groans in pain. “For my final wish, I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women.”
“You betcha, boyoh,” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW,” as he lets out a moan of pleasure.
The man, exhausted and sore, says, “That was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?”
The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “Aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
This is not even a joke.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
Why did the cheetah get in trouble at school?
Because he cheated on a test.
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
How did Michael Jackson die?
Because he danced like a zombie!
"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.
"I thought you quit," replied the guard.
"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."
People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."
I know it's really, really, really, really bad.
Put a kid in a wheelchair in the Twin Towers. Damn, I love Hot Wheels!
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
RIP K.
When they have a party, they're racist. When they hang out with Ys, they're mean.
A priest walks into a wine store.
"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."