Nightmare jokes

One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”

One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

Dad: "That isn't the remote."

*Weird background music*

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.

What's an Asian's worst nightmare? A tree.

If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!