Nightmare

Nightmare Jokes

Documentary

One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”

One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”

Room

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

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  • Grave

    I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

    Roast

    Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

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  • Help

    i need help i see this everywhere i look it kinda look like this

    A black and white drawing of a monstrous, shadowy figure with glowing eyes and a gaping mouth, appearing from the dark.

    Marshmallow

    Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

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  • Titanic

    Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

    Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

    Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

    Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

    Paradox

    You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

    Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

    People

    Why do black people only have nightmares?

    Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

    Abortion

    In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

    You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

    Remote

    Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"

    Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."

    Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"

    Dad: "That isn't the remote."

    *Weird background music*

    Black People

    Why do black people only have nightmares?

    Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

    Dream

    There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

    He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

    Cruise

    The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.

    Penaldo

    I was born and raised in Newcastle.

    My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

    Dream

    "Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.

    Orphan

    If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!