Nightmare jokes

One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”

One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”

Yo mama is so ugly, she gave Michael Myers nightmares.

Why do orphans watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas"?

Answer: Oogie Boogie is ugly, so they want to be ugly.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"

I was working at Fredbear’s, but then I got bite of ‘83’d.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

I entered Kian's house. At the top of the stair, I was greeted by my greatest fantasy, JOHN. He said in a manly tone, "Hello there." I walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back. As I walked past his room, I felt uneasy. I walked into Kian's room to find no one. I turned around and gasped. John is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer. He pushed me onto Kian's bed. The bed was that bad it broke as I fell onto it. John says, "A broken bed is nothing to worry about." I look up at him in disbelief, he's more masculine than I thought. He thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch. He then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point I knew it was too late John, the fart he ripped (sticky to the touch) had me so in shock I wasn't ready for what was next, he picked and jumped on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadly, sticky to the touch fart I'd ever seen, it knocked me out. I awoke to find I was in the WALLS. I looked out to find I was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, I fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, I heard "GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK" I then knew I was in for some Kian treats.

The end

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

I hate nightmares.

Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.

A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.

When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.

The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.