Material jokes

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

If trees could kill you, they wood.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.

What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.

Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

Leather armor is made of hide.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.

What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?

Answer: A chalkboard.

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.

Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...