Material jokes

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.

These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.

Wanna hear a terrible joke?

Paper

Pretty tear-able, huh?

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

If trees could kill you, they wood.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.

What do you call a Mexican under a carpet? Underlay, underlay.

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.

Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

Leather armor is made of hide.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

(People will then say "r")

Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.

I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.

What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?

Answer: A chalkboard.

Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.

Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

Can a box match? No, but a tin can.