Aed jokes

Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.

Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"

So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

How do clarinet players play a song?

They reed their music.

Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.

What is better than a paralympic gold medal?

Walking! 😂😂😂

The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?

(Doesn't have boss bar.)

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"