Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
What do you call a hourglass with no sand in it...
a waist of time
So I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said "Yes ma'am." She said "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said "Okay, thanks bitch."
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
My boss had the heart of a child:)
In a jar. On his desk
I Am glass! People see right through me.
2 Scientists walk into a bar, the first one asks for a glass of H2O, the second one asks for a glass of H2O too, the second one dies, why?
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side
A burgur walks into a bar and says: "Hi sir can I have a glass of water?" And the waiter says: "I'm sorry sir we don't serve food here,"
I hope your cookie is too big to fit in your glass of milk
Michael Jackson broke his window what dose he say? i cant sehe
Q: Have you ever felt a window? A: Did you feel the pane?
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
What does a glass of water ask a pond? Water you doing? What does the pond answer? Pondering life.
If I was an object in this world Iβd be a glass! Because if you leave me when Iβm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
Me walking in to the office: Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk."
