Aed jokes

"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"

"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

What is a briefcase?

A short lawsuit.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

I would tell you a recycling joke.

But I’m afraid it’d just be reused over and over.

What is an orphan's favorite song? "Lost Boy."

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.

Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream

What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?

A JUMBO shrimp.

Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?

A: Because there's a Target on every corner.

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?

They wait to be filled with a big load.