Aed jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

The Titanic is now a resort for fish.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?

It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.

Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.

What is the difference between Drake and Carrie Underwood?

Carrie Underwood kissed a 12-year-old boy on the lips.

What's the difference between a Palestinian and SpongeBob's Sandy Cheeks?

One is living in a bubble, the other one in rubble.

What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?

Special Forces.

What does an orphan call a kidnapping?

A surprise adoption.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.