Aed jokes
What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
When you have sex with a coworker but remember it's a family business.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.