Aed jokes
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.