Aed jokes

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding only half a worm.

How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?

Everyone's eaten.

Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.

My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.

If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?

What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?

One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?

Special head.