Aed jokes
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
What do you call finding half of a worm?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moan for me.
When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"
The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."
Russia is worse than the USSR.
Russia is just a bonerless USSR.
So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to planet.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
This is a bad day for me.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?
The Munch Bunch.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.