Aed jokes

My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?

Dress up as a piñata!

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

My grandfather died in 9/11.

He was a great pilot.