At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay, my sister has this crush and his name is Braylon. So, he texted my sister saying he wants to hang out with her, which I think means date. So anyway, I did this. My text said, "Hi Braylon, I can't hang out today... or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!" This is super wrong, but funny! Braylon texted back and said, "Fine, I can help." And I texted back and said, "Oh, will come here around 10:00." And my sister did not know he was coming... She was so embarrassed, she was still in her nightgown! HAHAHAH. O to the k, bye, that's the prankster!!!!
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date
