Date Jokes

Jon
in Puns

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

1
Anonymous

at a date : he: i work with animals everyday me: oh how sweet!what do you do? he:I’m a butcher

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Anonymous

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

4
Collin

on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

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Anonymous
in Alabama

Visiting Alabama Pop Up dating ads be like: Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com

Anonymous

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

Tenya Bailey
in Love

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”.

Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.”

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

Tonkiemars

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said “I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we’re there, I’d also like to take our relationship to the next level.” “I’m there” the boy replied. The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked “do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?” the boy replied " “I plan on getting busy all weekend. I’m not gonna stop pounding her till I’m black and blue. Give me the family pack.” “Sure thing” said the pharmacist. That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, “you never told me that you were so religious” the boy replied, “You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist”

Kiddyfiddler
in Offensive

What do milk and make a wish kids have in common , they both have expire dates.

Anonymous
in Atom

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK

Anonymous

A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me?😏” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”

Anonymous Tower

Why were the twin towers actually twins?

Their birth and death date are the same!

el sicko

What is a pedophile’s favourite dating site? Kinder

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Anonymous

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date

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Anonymous
in Name

I used to date a girl named Ruth but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

DanielBennett
in Stripper

Dating a striper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down inside they want some too.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

sell farm
in Self Harm

why do people like dating us emo girls? because of the texture on our thighs

Anonymous
in Cow

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

Anonymous
in Orphan

Why do I only date orphans? Because they never have daddy issues

1