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on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

at a date : he: i work with animals everyday me: oh how sweet!what do you do? he:I’m a butcher

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common? An expiration date.

What’s the best part of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK

Why can’t pooh bear catch a date. Because he is always talking about his honey.

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date

Where did the cow go on his first date, to the moovies

I used to date a girl named Ruth but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

I’m 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend, I got heckled with “you’re a paedophile!” and “you sick F…!” Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!

stephen hawking went on a date and come back with a broken leg, I can’t believe she stood him up

What do you call mo on a dating website? tissue face

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda’s (Commanders) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. “All I wanna do is Candle you”

(Lexa and Clarke from ‘The 100’ [ #LexaDeservedBetter ] R.I.P. Lexa…)

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn’t go well, because they couldn’t connect.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn’t want to see the bill.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage, he replied," Yes I’m very happy. We go on date night every week. The other man asked when? She goes on wednesday and I go on thursday

ever noticed 9-1-1(the number for the po-po) is the Great Date(9-11)…Hmmm.

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light put when she touched him.