Money and my mom are kinda the same thing they come and leave easlily
A: she looks good when she opens her hair.😮 B:you will look good when you will open your wallet. 👛
Advertisement: What's in your wallet? Me: The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)
What's the difference between $1 Million and Baby Teeth? I don't have $1 Million in my wallet.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen. Just how low can you get.
I just come across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues
whats one thing youll never find in lost and found? your dad
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap
There are two type of faces The handsome one but the wallet is ugly Then there is this personal face full of bump's but even they lack the wallet
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
There is the similarity within my wallet and an onion. They always make me cry
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint...my....house.’
I was in a bar in Italy, me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number, I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found, I turned back then I saw Pessi running with it, shame on you Pessi for ruining my night! 😭
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk? Theres money in my wallet for pizza I love you.
Mom:hey hun need some money for lunch at school? son:no i got 1k already mom:Wait,what,how- son:moms wallot is magic
A man with 20 dolars walked into Dave & Busters. He went to the bathrom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
if someones debated the speed of light and a drunk russian, the russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet
A kid named billy get his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money and his wallet taken by his father. The father then gets all the money taken from his by the bully’s grandfather along with is own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by billy along with his own wallet.
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me. She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand. Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys I asked and she said that’s my fam as well I noticed an Alabama drivers license I asked where which one was her dad she said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter I casually asked what he did for work self employed she said That’s the last time I use ancestry.com
was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Not a joke but still dc
