Aed jokes
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. ๐ฎ
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. ๐
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?
Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Memes
My grandfather died in 9/11.
He was a great pilot.
Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"
The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."
Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
What is an Emo's favorite way to Cosplay?
Dress up as a piรฑata!
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, โDaddy, am I more Jewish or more black?โ The dad replies, โWhy do you want to know, son?โ โBecause a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!โ
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
yo mama so stupid she climbed up a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.