Aed jokes

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.

My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?

They can blow themselves up.

Looks like I lost an electron, I should keep a better ion them.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?

A Double Manhattan.

What does a priest hold on to when having sex?

He holds on to the schoolbag.

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

"what's that on your wrist?"

"I'm a cutting board. duh"

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehead.

Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A. A seatbelt.

Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?

In hope to find a mummy.

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.