Aed jokes

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.

If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.

What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?

Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.

Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.

Orphan: They're dead.

Me: A promise made is a promise kept.

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

Chuck Norris can drift with a horse.