This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.
Why did Queen Elizabeth the II die?
Because she ran out of immortali-tea.
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
What is a cat's favorite Queen song... Don't stop meow.
What did the Queen Bee of Destiny's Child say?
"I'm so crazy in love..."
Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?
Because she always gets a Royal flush!
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
U.S.A: No Queen? England: No towers?
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
What's the difference between Freddie Mercury and Princess Diana?
Freddie lived long enough to be a Queen.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why can't Americans play chess?
Because they're missing two towers.
