Aed jokes

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.

Yo momma is so fat that the ground shakes a lot as she walks.

If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.

What do you call a flying bus?

An Airbus.

Only a city council committee would create this mistake.

Put a fucking playground next to a shitty sewer!

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.

Why did the rapper bring a map to the concert?

To find his way to the top of the CHARTS.

You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!

What did the dumb kid call ratios?

A type of cereal.

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!

How do you tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton by the BONERS lmao?

What is a terrorist's first move in chess?

C4.

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!