Telephone jokes
Yo momma's so stupid, her family tree is a telephone pole.
What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.
Best chick ever.
Call me at 6969696969.
Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?
She couldn't find the 11.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 and 976 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone, and money falls out.
I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD
PS free sex at my name
Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
Man from 2001 just called. They want a tower back.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
You have more chins than a Hong Kong telephone book!